All You Need Is Love
by SarahNotPlainJane
Summary: When Maya's life comes crashing down, it's Joshua Matthews that rescues her.
1. Chapter 1

**Maya**

Riley left her window open, so I climb in. I settle down on the cushions of the bay window with the few tears I can still squeeze out of my eyes. I hug my knees as my body hurts all over. It's dark in Rileys room because she's not home. No one is.  
/At least not until tomorrow. But all of a sudden, I hear the apartment door open and close and light floods into the hallway of Rileys open door. My body stiffens and my heart is pounding in my chest. I don't know how I would even defend myself toan  
intruder in my fragile state.

I can hear footsteps in the hall and someone muttering to themselves. Something heavy is being thrown into a room and I hear a clicking sound. I then hear the washing machine turn on and I become more curious than frightened. I uncurl myself fromthe  
spot I'm sitting from and carefully dare to investigate who's with me in the Matthews apartment. I have my phone in my hand just in case I have to call the cops.

I creep into the hallway and I now can hear someone singing in one of the rooms. And as I get closer to the open door that has the only light on, I start to recognize the voice that's singing "While My Guitar Gently Sleeps". I silently stand inthe  
doorway listening to Josh sing as he does his laundry. As he gets to the chorus, I decide to sing along with him. Josh drops the shirt in his hands once he hears my voice and turns to face me.

"Maya, you startled me." Josh says to me and I watch his alarmed face change to a more worried one. I then become aware of what he's looking at and it makes me want to hide. "Maya, who did this to you?" Josh softly asks me.

Instead of answering his question, I start singing, lowly, where we left off in the song. Josh dares to move closer to me and I feel too paralyzed to move. I shut my eyes as I continue to sing. I then feel the soft touch of Josh's fingertipstouch the  
bruise on my cheek and I wince at the tenderness of it. I reopen my eyes as I reach the end ofthe song and I meet Joshs heartbreaking blue eyes looking into mine.

"I can't go back there." I whisper with a new batch of tears starting to fall from my eyes and I'm surprised that my body can still produce them. "I'm sorry" I find myself apologizing.

"Maya, I'm feeling a little lost here. If you give me some clues, maybe I can help you better." Josh tells me while gently touching my arm.

"It's Lucas. His temper is out of control and I know he's cheating on me. And this," I point to my bruise. "This has got to stop." I open up to Josh.

"You're telling me that he's done this to you before?" Josh asks means I recoil from his touch and from the disgust inhis voice.

I turn and leave Josh standing where he is and I make my way into the living room area and curl up on the couch. I start singing "Across The Universe" as I bring my knees to my chest. I feel the cut that's surrounded by the bruise that's below myleft  
eye throb. I dare to touch it and regret doing so. I bring my finger in front of my face and find blood on my fingertip. I then painfully get off the couch and make my way to the bathroom to clean my cut and I find Josh sitting at the kitchentable.

Once I get into the bathroom, I brace myself as I turn on the light to look at my face in the mirror. What I see looking back at me looks grotesque. The cut is bright red and the puffy bruise is turning purple and green. I find a washcloth and

a bottle of peroxide to clean my cut with. I pour some of the peroxide onto the washcloth and then gently dab it on my cut. I cry out from the stinging and then I see Josh appear in the bathroom by my side.

"Let me help." Josh calmly says to me and I remove the washcloth from my cheek to study it before washing the blood off of it before I hand it to Josh. "Try concentrating on your breathing as I do this." Joshinstructs me to do as he works

at cleaning my cut.

I close my eyes as I start to do as Josh tells me to do. His touch is so gentle, but I still find myself wincing every time feel him touch my bruise. Josh starts singing "I've Just Seen A Face" and I can't help but to smile. Listening to Josh singis  
helping me be distracted from the pain I'm feeling.

"Okay, you're all cleaned up." I hear Josh speak and I open my eyes again.

"Thank you, Josh" I tell him with the tiniest of smiles as we stand only inches apart.

"It was no problem Maya." Josh replies as he washes his hands. "Where do you plan on sleeping?" He asks me causally.

"I don't know. Rileys room,or the couch." I answer with a shrug.

"I'll stay with you." Josh volunteers without being asked.

"Alright." I say with a slow nod of my head and the last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep is hearing Josh softlysinging "Blackbird".

With my eyes closed, last nights events come flooding back to me

* * *

 _"Just admit it! I know you're cheating!" I scream with tears streaming down my face._

_"You want me to do that, don't you?" Lucas barks at me with a dangerous look in his eyes. "To just tell you only what you want to hear." He laughs as he picks up an empty beer bottle. "You want to know?" He then breaks the bottle as he comes closer to me. "She tastes better and fucks better." Lucas growls._

 _I stand frozen as Lucas staggers towards me. "Lucas, don't. Please, don't do this." I beg as I feel broken glass on my skin._

* * *

"Maya." I hear Josh calling out my name over and over again and finally I slowly open my eyes to finding him next to me on the couch.

"What time is it?" I ask taking notice that it's still dark out.

"Three o'clock in the morning." Josh yawns after checking his phone.

"Oh." Is all I speak as I go to wrap the blanket tighter around me as I get off of the couch to go into the kitchen to get something to drink. I find myself a water bottle and go to sit at the kitchen table instead of going back to the couch.

"That must have been some dream you were having before. You were thrashing around and making a lot of noise in your sleep." Josh tells me as he joins me at the table.

I look at his gentle eyes as he sits across from me. "It was a nightmare." I tell him. "A living nightmare." I correct myself as I drink my water. "I'll be right back, I'm just going to go to the bathroom." I say as I get up from the table and Joshjust  
nods his head in acknowledgment.

Once I'm back in the bathroom, I grip both my hands on the sink and I just feel like screaming, but I know I won't. If I were to scream right now, Josh would be in here in a heartbeat. I'm not looking for anymore questions tonight. I'll have to

answer the millions of questions that Riley and her parents will have for me when they return home from Philadelphia later.

Before I return to Josh, I splash some cold water on my face. I step back out into the hallway and I hear Josh singing "Something" to himself. I pause where I am so I can listen to him and the song makes my eyes tear up, but in a good way. And oncehe  
finishes singing, I finally make my way back to the kitchen table. I then finish my water bottle and just sit looking into Josh's eyes. Neither of us speak for I don't know how long.

"Everything's going to be alright." Josh tells me as he reaches for my hands fromacross the table just as soon as I watch the front door open. "I'm right here." Josh reassures me as I look up and make eye contact with Riley.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** I know this chapter is a tad rough and I'm sorry for making Lucas the bad guy in this story. Please give this story a try. It just sorta came to me and I felt like I needed to write it out and give it a try to post it on  
here. I don'tblame anyone who has a problem with any of this chapter. I'm hoping it gets better from here on. And if you haven't recognized the songs I used, they're all Beatles songs. Highly recommend listening to them if you're not familiar.  
Anyways, please, leavereview the no matter what your take on this story so far is! I'd appreciate it! **:)**


	2. Chapter Two

Maya

In slow motion, I stand up from the kitchen table and Riley starts running towards me as I feel my head hit the floor and then everything just fades to black.

* * *

Hours later, I wake up to the beeping sound of a machine. I take in my surroundings and observe that I'm currently in a hospital room. My mom is sleeping ina chair at the side of the bed I am laying in.

"Mom." I croak out and she opens her eyes and they start to tear up. "What's going on? Why am I here?" I ask her.

"Oh, baby girl, you're awake." She says as she gets up from her chair to stand closer to me.

"Mom, why am I in a hospital right now?" I ask her again.

"You fell at the Matthews apartment and fainted." My mom tells me, but that doesn't fully explain why I'm here. "They found a few cracked ribs and you lost a lot of blood." She goes on to say.

I fall silent after I'm told of my injuries. The cracked ribs explain why my breathing got harder and the loss of blood explains the fainting. I'm more mad now than anything right now. It's all Lucas's fault that I'm here! Doctors and nurses have  
come in all in a blur to check up on my conditionand to ask me questions, but nothing is registering with me. I have checked out, mentally.

* * *

 _I stare up at Lucas with terror in my eyes as he raises a fist to me. I shut my eyes, waiting for the blow. It doesn't come at first, but when it does, I don't dare to open my eyes again, not that I can. I squeeze my eyes shut after I loose balance on my bed and tumble to the floor as I feel the contact of Lucas's boot with my stomach. I grow more and more sore with each blow Lucas gives me._  
 _  
_

 _"You brought all of this on, you know that? You're never around anymore. You're always trying to find yourself in those paintings you stare at all day long. You never have time for me anymore you stupid bitch." Lucas berates me._

 __

 _I'm not sure how much time passes until Lucas stops and I hear the bedroom door slam shut. I finally open my eyes again and slowly sit up to grab my flats to put on. I carefully and painfully get up from the floor as I hear Lucas stumbling around in the apartment. My next move is to climb out of the window and climb down to the street to make my escape. I walk around New York with no real destination in mind, but I end up standing outside of Rileys childhood bedroom window._

* * *

"Maya, are you still with us?" I hear the doctor say and I look up at him and form my lips in a tight smile as I falsely nod my head. "Good. And as I was just explaining to your mother, you are being discharged today to go home."  
repeats.

Home? "Okay." I respond. What's home? I look to my mother and and she's smiling. Like actually smiling.

* * *

"He's gone." I whisper to myself as I walk in my apartment that I guess I once shared with Lucas after spending a week at my moms apartment that she now lives with Shawn in. I move from room to room and every trace of him has been removed. The  
physical reminder is gone, but I still feel his presence. He left no note, just emptiness. Except for the shattered glass of the picture sitting on the bureau that still sits in the bedroom with dried blood on it.

I walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I strip off my clothes as I wait for the water to get hot enough. I take a good look at my body in the mirror and become disgusted with what I see. The bruise on my face has just about faded away,  
but the uglycut is still staring back at me. There's scaring on my stomach and green brushing on my one side. And once I do step into the hot water, I scrub my skin until I feel clean. But it's not enough. After I wash my hair, I turn the water  
off and step out of the tub to dry off.

Ithen walk into thebedroom, abandoning my clothes and towel on the bathroom floor. Naked, I lay on my bedsheets, staring at the window I crawled out of a week ago. The tears come flooding out of my eyes, but I feel numb. I can't feel a single  
thing. I curl up into a ball as I clutch my blanket to my body and close my eyes.

I open my eyes to darkness. As I look at the red neon numbers on the alarm clock on the bedside table, I blink as it reads a little past midnight. I've managed to sleep the day away. The sounds outside reassure me that I'm still alive in this reality.  
The empty bed reminds me of the nightmare I'm living. His scent is still on the bedsheets and on the pillow where his head used to lay.

I get up from the bed and blindly go to turn on the light switch and my one foot ends up kicking something on the carpet. After I turn the light on I look down to find an empty beer bottle that Lucas left. I stand frozen just staring at the reminder  
of how I got to where I am.

I close my eyes and envision Lucas drinking beer after beer as he fills my head with nothing good. He blamed me for everything. He blamed me for losing his temper. Tellling me that I caused it. That I'm the cause of everything that happened between  
us. We were once in love. Maybe we moved too fast and rushed into our relationship. He wasn't always a drunk. We used to have fun.

My job at the art gallery took over my life. I started working longer hours. More than Lucas wished that I would. Lucas even proposed to me and I had said yes, but if only I knew saying yes would lead to the downfall of or relationship. After I  
would come home to our apartment after working ten plus hours, I'd find a belligerent Lucas waiting for me with alcohol on his breath. Or I would find an empty apartment with a note in the kitchen from Lucas, saying that he went out and not to wait  
up for him.

I open my eyes again to look at my left hand and at my ring finger that still holds the ugly reminder of a promise broken. It wasn't me who was unfaithful. I twist the ring off of my finger and walk to to the window that's still open and toss the  
tainted ring out onto the street below. I don't need that anymore.

I then go over to my dresser and pick out a pair of underwear and one of my oversized shirts to put on and then go to pick up my phone. I have a missed call from both my mom and Riley. I also have a text message from Josh. His message reads:

 _Maya, my heart breaks as you recover from what sent you to the hospital. If only I knew you were in that much pain, I would have done more for you the other night. I want you to know that you're not alone and I meant it when I told you that I'm here for you. Maya, I will always be there for you. If you ever need anything, or wantto talk, or you just don't want to be alone, just let me know and I will be there._

 __

My eyes blur with tears as I read Josh's text over and over. The more I read his words, the less I can breathe. I'm hyperventilating at the thought behind Joshs message. I actually end up pressing on the call option on Joshs name on my phone  
and he instantly answers my call.

"Maya." I hear Josh ever so sweetly say my name.

I try to speak, but no words come out. I hit the speaker option and I can't get my breathing under control. Josh repeats my name again and then again, but more frantic. I hear him talking to me, but his voice sounds far away. I then start to hear  
car doors opening and closing and then I hear banging on my apartment door. I can't get myself to move. I can't breathe. Then there sounds of my apartment door being opened with a force and my name is being shouted inside. I stay paralyzed on the  
floor of my bedroom where I collapsed.

"Maya!" I now register Joshs voice as he finds me. He immediately drops to my side and holds me in his arms. He starts rocking our bodies back and forth and I can hear the strain in his voice as he murmurs into my ear.

* * *

Josh

As I start singing "I Want To Hold Your Hand", I feel Maya relax more in my arms. I slow the rocking the motion and just soothingly rub Mayas back as she gets her breathing back to normal.

"You didn't have to come." I hear Maya whisper.

"I did." I answer her and brush her hair back some and kiss her right temple.

"Why did you.." Maya starts, but stops as she turns her body around to face me.

"Why did I what?" I gingerly ask back as I look into her haunting blue eyes that I know used to hold such joy.

"That message you sent me." Maya replies and she starts to close her eyes with tears starting to fall from each one. "Those words of yours." She cries out as she goes to stand up.

I go to stand as well and make sure I'm close enough to her just in case she looses her balance. "What about my words?" I ask her in slight confusion as to what she's getting at.

"Why'd you say them?" Maya shouts suddenly as she starts beating on my chest with her fists. "Why do you say all these nice things to me? Why do you care about me so much?" She continues on and I let her hit me until she falls onto me.

I wrap my arms around her, but not tight. She's got her head on my chest and I feel my shirt become soaked from her tears. I just stand stroking her hair as she breaks down in my arms. "I have always cared about you, Maya. For as long as I've known  
you. You've always held a special place in my heart. I watched you grow into this amazing woman that I've grown to love. I love the spitfire that I know that's in you." I begin to tell her.

"Stop." Maya speaks up. "Just stop." She begs in such a heartbreaking voice as she pulls away from me.

I drop my arms to my side in defeat as I look at the blonde in front of me, who's shattering before my eyes. I hear her starting to sing "Yesterday", but she breaks down halfway through the song. I try to move closer to her, but she denies me.  
/ **Authors Note:** So, let me know your thoughts are on this story. I know it's getting dark, but I do promise that it will get better later. 


	3. Author Note

I'm just wondering if I should continue this story, or not. Please respond with a review with your thoughts if anyone is reading this story.  
 **:)** Thank you, Sarah.


	4. Chapter Three

Maya

Ten days. It's been ten days since I got out of the hospital. Three days since my breakdown in front of Josh. One day since my first cut. I did it to see if I could feel anything. I didn't exactly. I screamed as I tore into my flesh with the razor  
blade, but I still felt numb as I watched my blood spill out of my wound. I didn't go very deep. It was only a test.

I've called my mother to tell her I'm okay. I don't know if she bought it or not. I tried to convince Riley not to worry about me, but I know she does. Josh continues to check upon me with a text ever once in awhile since he left my apartment the  
other night. I don't always respond.

My bruises have just about faded away and the cut on my cheek is now just a scar. My side where Lucas kicked me over and over again is still sore, but that feeling should go away with time. I've spent the past couple of days in bed, but I've barely  
slept. I keep dreaming the same nightmare again and again and wake up covered in sweat. I'm expected back at the gallery on Monday morning. Today is Thursday, I have four days to get my shit together.

* * *

I finally get out of bed because my thoat feels dry. So, I make my way into the kitchen for a glass of water. I can hear my neighbors fighting through my wall as I pour water into my cup. I start to wonder if anyone heard myscreams over a  
week ago. I walk out of the kitchen and into my bedroom again to grab my phone before I go into the living room.

I go to sit on the couch and turn on the television. I flip through the channels and I settle with watching some cheesy romcom. I hear the text tone on my phone go off and I pick up the dinging object to see a text from Josh on the screen. He's asking  
me if I need anything. Well, that's a loaded question. I answer him back with a simple "No". I focus back to the movie and it's at the point where the girl is playing hard to get.

I get up from the couch to go to the bathroom and I hear a text coming through my phone. I look at my phone for a moment before deciding to ignore it and I make my way to the bathroom instead. I stand at the sink, gripping the porcelain, staring  
at my reflection in the mirror. I dont look like the monster that I did days ago, but I still don't see the person I used to be.

Out of the corner of my eye I spy the box of razor blades that sit on the top of the toilet where I left it. I start to take deep breaths as I start to sing "Happiness Is A Warm Gun" to myself. I close my eyes as I continue singing and  
I open my eyes again and go to open the box of razor blades. I take out a razor blade and hold it between my fingers. I look at myself in the mirror again and I faintly hear my phone ring in the other room.

As I make the first cut, I let out a scream, but then the pain fades away. I drop the razor blade in the sink and watch my blood drip into the sink as my hands start to shake. I start to panic as my heart races and I open the cabinet to get out  
a bandage to cover what I did. I turn on the sink faucet to wash my cut and I clean it with peroxide. I actually growl as the peroxide comes in contact with my cut. I wrap the part of my left forearm with the bandage and then take the box of razor  
blades and put them away. I throw away the razor blade I used before exiting the bathroom.

I go back to the couch and pick up my phone. I have a text from Riley, asking me if I want to see her on her break at Topanga's. And I have a missed call from Josh. There's no voicemail, but I decide to call him back anyway.

"Hey,Maya. How are you holding up?" Josh asks after the second ring.

"What are you doing right now?" I ask him instead.

"Nothing important, why?" He answers.

"Could you come over?" I just about beg him.

"Of corse. I'll be right there." Josh tells me.

"Thank you. I'll leave the the door unlocked. I'll probably be in the living room when you get here." I tell him.

"Okay, I'll see you soon." Josh responds.

"Okay." I say right before ending our call.

The movie that I turned on is now over and a new one is playing. This one is some horror flick and looks just as bad as the movie before it. As the main character runs in the dark woods, with the killer behind her, she trips and falls, letting the killer  
get her. Same old horror movie cliché. As the movie progresses, I hear the door to my apartment open and close. And then Josh walks into the living room, with two coffees in his hands.

"How'd you know just what I needed?" I say with a smile.

"I know your fiend." Josh smirks at me as he walks over to me, hands one of the to-go cups to me and sits on the couch next to me. "What happened to your arm?" He asks as he takes a sip of his coffee.

I freeze up mid sip of my coffee and gulp down the hot liquid in my mouth and wince as it goes down my throat. "Oh, that." I say with a nervous laugh. "I, uh, it was an accident." I studder.

Josh looks straight into my eyes and his look full of concern. "Maya." He gets out and that makes my eyes start to tear up. "Why?" He asks me softly and I see his own eyes water.

I shrug my shoulders. "I was tired of feeling numb. It's only one cut. I panicked and cleaned it then covered it." I confess, omitting about the cut from yesterday, but that one is on my leg.

"Oh, Maya, you should have called me if you were having those thoughts." Josh tells me as he wipes away my fallen tears as a couple fall from his own eyes.

"I didn't want to kill myself, if that's what you're thinking." I suddenly snap.

Josh retracts his fingers from my face at my outburst, but leaves them hovering above his coffee cup. "Maya, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry." He apologizes.

I get up off the couch and start pacing while drinking my coffee.

* * *

Josh

"Maya, you're making me nervous." I tell her.

"I'm making you nervous?" She repeats as she points back and forth between herself and I.

"Can you sit back down? Let's talk, or not talk." I gently suggest and Maya comes to a halt and stands facing me, her whole body trembling.

"I can't do this." Maya says without any emotion.

"What can't you do?" I lightly tread.

"Living like this." She whispers and the tears are back in her blue eyes. "I don't know why he did this to me. I live in this apartment, scared and alone. I don't even know if he'll come back and I'm not prepared if he does. I was  
once strong, but now I'm broken down. I don't even recognize myself any longer. The old Maya is gone and this is what I have to live with. This Maya, who lives in fear." Maya cries out and it breaks my heart to hear her say these things about  
herself.

I get up from the couch and walk right up to Maya. I take the coffee cup from her hands and set it on her coffee table and then I take both of her hands in mine. I make sure she's looking directly at me. Blue on blue. "You don't have to live  
that way. I know it's easier said than done and it'll take some time, but I believe that you can be a better you because of what happened to you. Don't let the fear and self doubt control you. You can beat this, Maya. I know you can. You just have  
to believe that you can do this. Take back what he broke and make it ten times stronger. Heal yourself." I gently, but firmly tell her.

Maya stays quiet, but she nods her head. I let go of her hands to wipe away the traces of the tears on her face. She closes her eyes as my fingers touch her skin and I feel her breath as she breathes in and out. I start singing "Strawberry  
Fields Forever" and Mayas eyes shoot open. As I reach the end of the song, I have her face cupped in both of my hands with her eyes staring back into mine again. I then take the risk of leaning in to meet her lips with my lips. Long and slow  
it lasted. Her mouth tasting of cinnamon and honey.

"You shouldn't have done that." Maya speaks with a dangerous glint in her eyes as she goes to pick her cup of coffee back up.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** I honestly don't know how I feel about this story and the next chapter may or may not be the last chapter of this story. I've received mixed reviews about this story. I thought I might have something when I first started this  
story, but now I'm not so sure anymore. Thoughts? Please leave a review. **:) Sarah.**


	5. I need your help deciding

I want to know if I should continue with this story. The reason why I haven't updated this story is because I've been going back and forth with not knowing if I should continue or not. I have yet to write chapter four because of that. I've put it on the  
back burner as I write my other story **Our Someday Will Come.** If you haven't already checked that story out, please do. I started **All You Need Is Love** as just another fanfic to occupy my time, but now I'm not sure if I'm liking it, or  
not anymore. I know it has much more potential than what I'm thinking it canhave. Maybe I'm just over thinking the story and putting too much pressure on myself to write it the way I want to and I just get stuck. I got one suggestion from one of  
you to have Maya go into therapy. I think that can work. I just have to sit down and gather my thoughts, but when I do, I have writers block. This story was supposed to be a simple story, but I'm making it harder on myself to write it out. I know it's  
just a fanfic, not an actual story to be published, but I take my writing serious. I'mhard on myself when it comes to writing these fanfics for some reason or other. I write, loose my patience and erase it all to just stare at a blank piece of paper.  
So, I'm posting this to get some feedback on if I really should try to continue **All You Need Is Love**. I need your help to make my decision on what to do with this fanfic.

Thanks for reading my rant:) **Sarah**


	6. Chapter Four

Maya

I feel like I can breathe again. I caved in after hearing the concerns from my mom, Shawn, Riley and her parentsand Josh, to seek out professional help. It's now been three months since I started seeing a psychologist and I've made a lot of  
progress since I've started going. I can finally sleep at night without waking up from that same nightmare anymore. I've also adjusted to being okay with the quiet of my apartment.

Josh Matthews and I have gotten closer to each other in these past three months as well. We're not quite dating yet. I'm just not there yet, but I think I might be in due time. Josh has been so supportive about my process of getting back on my feet.  
He'll join me on my lunch breaks at work, or just randomly come in to surprise me. It's not like he does it every day. I know he's got a life as well. I just like the fact that I know he'll be there for me when I need him. I do let him stay nights  
here and there over at my apartment.

I'm back to working at the gallery, but I'm not quite back to full time yet. I'm only doing part time until I feel stable enough to go back to what my hours used to be. Being surrounded by art again and being able to talk to others about it just makes  
my days so much better. I've also gotten back into painting for myself too. I've taken pictures of my work and showed it to my coworkers and they tell me to show them to our boss. That maybe I could get my paintings showcased in the gallery. I haven't  
showed my work to my boss yet, not that I don't think that she'll hate it, I'm just a tad timid about showing her. It's personal work, but everyone I've showed them to says that they're beautiful.

So, I'm starting to feel like myself again after these three months. It's weird to think about what happened all that time ago. It still feels strange that Lucas just left without a trace. I haven't received a single phone call, text, or letter  
from him to explain his absence. Not that I'm complaining about it. I just find it rather odd.

I've also made it a regular thing to have dinner with my mom and Shawn on Wednesday nights. We don't always just have dinner once a week either, sometimes it turns into an all day affair. I typically have off on Wednesday's. We'll go to Broadway  
shows when it fits into our schedules, and I haveinvited Josh to come along with us, but he claims it's not his thing. I don't know why, because he's lived in New York for some time now, but says he's a "Philadelphia kid at heart".  
But that means what exactly? I've never been able to get a straight answer out of him about it. That he loves baseball? New York has that too. He knows I love musicals, maybe one of these days I'll be able to convince him to go with me.

Riley has come over to my apartment to help me redecorate the place. So far, we've managed to repaint my bedroom to a lilac color, the living room pale blue and put in black and white wallpaper in the bathroom. I have yet to find the right furniture  
that I feel speaks to me. I'm keeping the couch that's already in my apartment and the bed stays, but I need to find bedsheets that match my newly painted walls. My kitchen still remains the same and I'm perfectly fine with that. I did recently find  
this super cute cookie jar in the shape of a pink pig. I just fell in love with it once I laid my eyes on it. I just had to have it.

So yeah, my life is getting back on track and I'm feeling okay with my life again. I haven't thought about self harming myself in a long time, which is a huge step. I have rare breakdowns, but when I do Josh is always right there to calm me down  
again. Or I'll call Riley. I have my family as my support system as well as Riley and her family and of corse Josh. I thought it would be a slow road to recovery, and I'm getting there. It's only been three months, but I'm still going strong and taking  
each day as it comes.

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Alright, here's chapter four. I hope it's okay. It's rather short, but I think I wrote this chapter this way as Maya herself giving an update on how she's doing. So, it's kinda like an update within an update. Well, let me know what  
your thoughts are on this chapter and leave a review, **:) Sarah**


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